Missional Metrics XIV

Number of people who experience ever-deepening authenticity and transparency in their relationships with one another.

One of the depressing truths that has absolutely broken my heart over the past ten years is the utter lack of authenticity, transparency, and vulnerability in the church.  Having cut my (spiritual) teeth in a ministry where such values were prized and considered essential if one wished to follow Jesus, it was devastating to find that my experience was more the exception than the rule.  I remember vividly in seminary having dinner with two couples we had been friends with for a couple of years.  The guys were all preaching the next morning and towards the end of the meal, I asked if we could spend some time in prayer with and for one another as we approached that sacred task.  Almost immediately, you could feel an emotional wall go up.  An awkward silence ensued.  Clearly, I had transgressed some unspoken line with my question.  Honestly, it felt like I had just dropped the f-bomb or something...it was that weird!!!  I remember talking to one of the guys about it the following week and confessing to him how painful it was for me that, after all this time together (preparing to be preachers for goodness' sake!), we still could not pray for one another.  He just sat there in silence.  We never met as a group again. 

I am not sure why I was so shocked by this experience.  After all, the men and women training to be pastors have been shaped and formed by the church.  And quite frankly, the church is not known as a place where one can be open, honest, and real.  In fact, I know many folks who feel like they can talk more about their life with their bartender than they can with their brother or sister in Christ!  I remember one year when three of the younger couples in our church got divorced.  It seemed to happen all at once and we were devastated as a community.  Devastated for them.  But also devastated because no one had ANY idea that anything was wrong!  Now, divorces don't just happen.  They take time and I am sure these folks were sharing their marital issues with someone...just not anyone in their church family.  What a sad testimony!  We were not known as a non-judgmental place where they could come for healing.  We were not known as a community where they could receive help and hope.  I wish I could say that this was my failure as a pastor or an isolated experience in the church but I know better...and so does anyone who has been a part of the church for any length of time. 

So...it is time we put aside measuring the number of "happy, plastic people" (thank you, Casting Crowns!) who show up on Sunday morning and start measuring the DEPTH of their relationships, the level of their honesty and transparency, and their willingness to be vulnerable with their brothers and sisters in Christ.  How do we do this?  Really, the only successful approach I have found, if this kind of sharing is going to be healthy, is the intentional small group experience.  Certainly, the public worship service is not a place to stand up and confess our deepest darkest sins.  Not because our brothers and sisters can't or shouldn't be able to handle it but because our worship should not deviate into an episode of Jerry Springer!  Sunday morning is not a time for us to stand up and emotionally vomit on our neighbor!  It isn't helpful and is done more for spectacle than out of a desire for real healing.  (There are exceptions, of course...sharing one's testimony where the focus is on God's grace and unconditional love...having a "healing and wholeness" service where people are invited forward to confess their sins, their pains, their struggles to the elders of the church and receive the laying on of hands and anointing with oil...and I am sure there are other examples...)  No, a much more helpful and wholesome approach is to engage a few of our sisters and brothers in Christ in an intentional relationship which honors transparency, honesty, vulnerability with confidentiality and accountability.  Covenanting to walk with a fellow Christian as they seek to overcome sin in their life, deal with difficult and often tragic situations, experience life's joys and celebrations, and grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ is one of the most rewarding experiences one can have.  I know...I have been privileged to have this kind of open and transparent relationship with several folks over the years. And it is truly a blessing to have a front row seat to God's transforming work in their life. 

My friends, if you still aren't convinced, let me just challenge you with this question...If the blood of Jesus Christ is not powerful enough to create a safe place for us to share openly from our hearts all that life is throwing our way...what is?  If the Holy Spirit is not powerful enough to lead us to a deep, real, transparent relationship with our brother or sister in Christ...where then is our hope?  I pray for the day when the church of Jesus Christ will put aside the pretense and begin to live the abundant and free life her Lord has promised those who will authentically follow Him!